Losing You and Finding Me

03 Oct 2023
Asha, one of headspace Albury Wodonga's Youth Reference Group members, shares her story of her journey to recovery.

Losing You and Finding Me

By Asha

As I bask in the warm embrace of the shower, I shut my eyes, letting the soothing water wash over me. It's a moment when I feel untouchable, safe from the world outside. If only I could stay in this little shower haven forever. I wish life could always be this peaceful, but it's not. I curl my legs up to my chest, lost in my thoughts and worries. I try to push them away, but they just stick around. So, I decided to let them in, taking a deep breath in and out.

Have you ever wanted to run away from your life and be someone else because everything seems to be going wrong? I sure have. But you know what? It's not that simple. We're stuck with ourselves from when we roll out of bed in the morning to when we crawl back in at night. Sometimes, we don't feel like we're enough and wish we had someone special to share this crazy journey with. That brings me to my next point.

Despite all the craziness, I couldn't have survived without my incredible family. Yeah, my family. They're like a miracle, considering seven billion people are out there, and I got stuck with them. It's kind of cool when you think about it. Sure, we argue and fight about stuff and get really mad, but ultimately, we love each other. I hope they love me, too; otherwise, that'd be super awkward. We've had our fair share of battles as a family, especially when my dad passed away. He meant the world to us – a dad, son, uncle, brother, and friend. Losing him left a hole that can never be filled. You never realize how much someone means to you until they're gone. So, here's a tip: hug your loved ones and tell them you love them. I know it sounds cliché, but seriously, just do it.

So, my dad's passing was a big deal, but you know what? All those little problems in life get to me, too. It might sound silly, but they add up, becoming one big mess. Most of them are typical teenage stuff that I'll probably laugh about in ten years, but some might stick with me forever, making great stories to tell. How often can someone suggest a depressed person to "snap out of it" or a drug addict to "just quit"? It's easier said than done. Everyone's got their own story to tell because we all live different lives. That's why you should never judge a book by its cover. You never know what someone's going through.

Have you ever seen something so beautiful or been in such a peaceful place that all your problems suddenly seem tiny and insignificant? It's like, for a moment, everything just stops. Imagine sitting by a waterfall, hearing the water cascade down, the birds singing, a gentle breeze brushing against your skin – it's refreshing. And the view is breathtaking. Your mind quiets down at that moment, and you can clear your head. Your dreams feel so close like they could actually come true. It's like magic. I wish everyone could experience that, a moment where you can just stop and forget about everything and be one with nature and your feelings.

Grief is this weird, hard-to-explain feeling you can't truly understand unless you've lost someone. Loss doesn't always mean death; it can be a breakup or a life-changing accident that takes something away from you. Grief is a mix of emotions – sadness, anger, confusion, fear, and admiration for the person I've lost. It hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. Anything can trigger it – a memory, a smell, or a song. Sometimes, it feels like my dad is giving me a big hug, but other times, it feels like the world is falling apart. The worst part? I never know when or where it's going to happen. I just have to be ready for it. So yeah, grief is confusing and makes you feel so alone. But you're not. No matter how strong that feeling is, there's always someone there for you, even in the shadows.

After my dad passed away, things were tough. I felt like everything was doomed, like nothing mattered anymore. And you know what? I still have those moments now and then. But right now, I'm trying to do better for myself and my future. My heart still hurts and probably always will, but I'm changing how I think about my grief. Instead of dwelling on the fact that my dad is gone, I'm focusing on making him proud and finding happiness for both of us. It's not easy, but that feeling of loss will always be there. You learn to deal with it and not let it hold you back. Right now, I'm happy with what I'm doing in my life. I've got some amazing opportunities ahead, especially in acting, and they're all steps toward where I want to be.

My journey is just beginning, but I've already faced a lot of tough stuff. I hope the worst is behind me and that good things are coming. The fear of failing terrifies me, mainly because we only get one shot at this. I want a successful career and am willing to push myself out of my comfort zone to get it. It's overwhelming sometimes, but I remind myself of what I'm working toward.

My sister and I have been through so much together. I'm only a few years older than her, so I do my best to support her. We grew up with the same parents, and while they shaped us in many ways, my sister and I promised each other that we wouldn't turn out like our parents. Our experiences are personal, and no one else can truly understand them. We can always share and lean on each other.

When I come out on the other side of all this mess, I'll have a new story to tell. I might not have plans for kids and settling down, but I want to positively impact someone's life. I've got a story worth sharing, and my goal is to show young people like me that it's worth it to keep going, to see the silver lining in all the bad stuff. That's what my dad wanted, too – to help kids and guide them to a better life. I want to honour his memory and follow my passion for making a difference.

I open my eyes, return to my reality, and stand up, taking one last deep breath to acknowledge my thoughts and feelings. As I step out of the shower, I remind myself – this is my life. Why can't I do what I want despite all the bad stuff that's happened? When I leave this bathroom, I will tackle life head-on and make the most of my time. I promise to make both our dreams come true.