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Blog: 5 ways to effectively communicate your feelings

31 Aug 2018
Sharing your feelings, whether it’s with family, close mates or a partner is a vital part in forming and maintaining good relationships.

However, when it comes to conveying your deepest feelings and emotions effectively, well, it can be damn challenging! Feelings are those sorts of things that can become very controlling in a situation. They can overwhelm your clarity, they can lead you to break down in tears, chuck a huge hissy fit or even paralyse you with anxiety. But, when you learn how to communicate those feelings, it causes a chain reaction and allows you to build trust and create stronger bonds.

So, here are five ways to help you out in those tricky situations.

#1 Find The Right Time

Be intentional when you try to communicate your feelings. Sometimes we pick the absolute wrong moment to explain our needs to another person – they might be distracted, tired, busy, drunk (we’ve all been there) or just in a bad mood.

Picking the wrong moment can lead you to becoming more frustrated and even feeling neglected. Instead, if you need to talk to someone or confront a friend about a certain situation, pick a time when they can give you their full attention.

Planning in advance is never a bad thing and please, communicate face-to-face. In a world filled with social media and technological convenience, emotion can often be lost between screens. Feelings are better conveyed through facial expressions and body language. After all, actions speak louder than words.

#2 Be Calm & Clear With Feelings

We often believe that speaking our feelings will result in an immediate change in a person’s behaviours and we will be able to get what we want out of them.

You might be faced with an over protective parent, and you want to let them know that you’re feeling supressed, so you lash out. However, an outburst can come across as selfish and trajectory, and even worse, aggressive.

Really you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. When feelings are used to prod at someone, it can lead to a “backfire event” and that person will be less inclined to do what you want them to. Instead, calmly request rather than demand. Be clear and collected in your delivery, and be sure you take the other persons feelings into consideration.


Mum’s constantly texting you during a date night, she states that she’s concerned about your whereabouts but really it’s making you feel claustrophobic.



“Mum, appreciate your care and concern, but I think one text is okay. I hope you respect my independence, cause your constant texts make me feel like that you maybe don’t trust me.” 

#3 Write It Down

In certain scenarios, your feelings are not a result of a person but a situation. It’s exam time at uni or maybe you have a huge briefing coming up at work. These periods of time can infiltrate stress, anxiety and pressure in our day-to-day life. So instead of telling yourself that you’re fine, and getting about two minutes of shut eye a night, write it all down.

Before you hit the pillow write down what is stressing you, why it’s stressing you and how you can combat this. Also, feel free to pass this on to your housemates, or the people you often surround yourself with. This can help give them an indication of how you’re feeling and maybe even clue them as to how they can help you out.

#4 Don’t Bottle Things Up

“Hey man, how you doin?”

“Yeah, I’m good mate. No dramas here.”

Often, we get caught up in the day-to-day rut. We tend to supress our feelings; whether it is stress about work, relationship dramas or even financial woes. Unfortunately, just like a suitcase, the more you try to pack and squeeze, the greater the risk of it being too full and popping open. And it’s too true.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having the occasional vent, whether it is to a close friend, a sibling or even a counsellor. Expressing even the smallest bothers can allow you to identify problems in your life, and overcome them.

#5 Don’t Forget To Listen

Often, when we are clouded by our own emotions towards a situation, we forget to understand that there may be another party involved. Sharing your feelings is not supposed to be a one sided monologue. The more you listen, the more likely you are to gain clues about how to avoid the situation in the future.

Effective communication is always a two way street. So avoid interrupting the other person when they respond to your feelings. Remain calm, patient and keep your ears switched on.


Your partner’s not really pulling their weight around the house and it’s driving you up the wall. You ask them to help with the cooking and cleaning and they either ignore you or just act disgruntled.



Explain you’re becoming slightly resentful, and you don’t want this to continue in the relationship. By explaining this you may find your answer. Understand maybe they are tired from work and instead suggest you come up with solutions together rather than dwelling on the problem