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Many young people experience ups and downs in emotions and relationships. For those with BPD, these experiences can feel more intense or overwhelming, making it harder to feel safe with others, do the things they care about, or manage day-to-day life. It might feel like being on a roller coaster at times, but young people with BPD can go on to build strong relationships, do what matters to them, and feel more in control of their emotions and lives.
What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?
BPD is a mental health condition that affects how people see themselves, relate to others, and manage their emotions. People experience symptoms differently, but someone might notice that they:
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Feel emotions intensely, sometimes to the point of overwhelm
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Struggle with sudden changes in mood
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Often feel empty or unsure of who they are
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Worry a lot about being abandoned or rejected
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Have big ups and downs in relationships
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Act impulsively or do things they later regret
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Feel numb, disconnected, or paranoid when stressed
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Hurt themselves or think about suicide
Lots of people can have some of these experiences from time to time and having one or two of them doesn’t automatically mean someone has BPD. What matters more is how strongly these experiences affect someone’s day-to-day life, especially if they keep coming up over a long period and cause a lot of distress. It can also be reassuring to know that for some people, these challenges change over time. With the right care and support, they may find that the things that once felt overwhelming don’t have the same impact later on.
At times you might feel like you are stuck. With support, you can find new ways to help you feel safer, more connected, and more in control.
"It's this fear of being alone or abandoned and it spirals into a lot of things… Quick moods, overwhelming emotions, and not knowing who I am. . Like my sense of self is in a state of constant change. I remember reading that BPD could feel like emptiness, and I used to say to my mum, 'I've just got this nothingness in my chest." – Francie (24)
What causes BPD?
There's no single cause. BPD usually develops from a mix of biological, relational, and environmental factors, which means no two stories are the same.
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Biology. Some people naturally feel emotions more strongly.
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Genetics. A family history of BPD or mental health difficulties can increase likelihood.
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Experiences. Trauma, abuse, loss, neglect, or emotional invalidation can shape how we learn to connect and cope.
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Relationships. If people around you didn't know how to support your strong emotions, you may not have learned how to safely manage them yourself.
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Identity. If your identity (like your culture, gender, or sexuality) wasn't accepted or understood, that can make things harder too.
Often these factors overlap. You don't need to know the exact cause to heal. What matters most is getting support, building safe connections, and finding what helps you move toward recovery and hope.
How is BPD diagnosed?
Diagnosis involves speaking with a mental health professional. They'll ask about things like your emotions, relationships, past experiences, and how you cope with stress. It's not about ticking boxes but understanding what's getting in the way of the life you want and figuring out what support could help.
Assessment can take a few sessions and should move at a comfortable pace. It may bring up strong emotions, but it should feel safe and supportive. You can ask questions, take your time, and bring someone along.
Symptoms sometimes overlap with other conditions, so a careful assessment is important. People feel differently after a diagnosis—relief, confusion, worry—all of which are valid. Research shows that early identification can help people access the right supports.
A diagnosis can be a way of understanding your experiences. It's not a definition of who you are.
"I was already seeking help for depression and anxiety for a long time, and I wasn't getting better. When I went to hospital, the doctor brought up BPD. It kind of explained why I wasn't improving." – Francie (24)
Is BPD just a label?
Our understanding of BPD has evolved. We now know it's not about being 'on the border' of anything, it describes patterns of relating and feeling that can change over time. Some people prefer the term Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) rather than BPD.
Some find the term "BPD" helpful, having a name for what's going on can bring relief, help guide the right kind of support, and open up new ways to heal. Others feel uncomfortable with it, especially if it's been used in a hurtful or dismissive way. The label doesn't define you or your future. It's okay to find it useful and it's just as okay to have mixed feelings about the name or diagnosis. You also don't have to accept every part of a diagnosis to get help.
Diagnostic labels can open the door to therapy and support, but they're never the full story of someone's identity. Your mental health journey is yours, and you can refer to it and shape it in ways that feel respectful and right for you.
"Some people find diagnosis validating, but I sit in between. I don't always like the label because I'm also just a person." – Francie (24)
Getting help
It can be hard to open up, but talking to someone you trust, like a friend, family member, Elder, teacher, counsellor, or youth worker, can help you feel less alone and get connected with support.
If you don't have someone to talk to, a GP can be a good starting point. They can help you access mental health plans, referrals, or specialist care. headspace centres and eheadspace (online and phone support) are also available.
Asking for help is a sign of strength. You don't have to do this alone.
What help might look like…
There's no one-size-fits-all approach. Talking therapies, including group therapy, are effective in helping people with BPD manage emotions, understand patterns, and build the lives they want.
An important factor is the relationship you have with your therapist; one built on trust, safety, and respect. A therapist should create a supportive space where you can explore your thoughts and feelings, develop new coping skills, and feel empowered. Like any relationship, you might not always feel perfectly understood. Practicing the skill of being open with your therapist when things come up and exploring what a strong, supportive relationship can look like can help you feel more comfortable in relationships over time.
Evidence-based therapies like Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) focus on helping you learn to:
- Understand and respond to overwhelming emotions
- Handle conflict in relationships
- Cope safely with distress
- Build a stronger sense of self
It's important that services respect your sexuality, gender identity, culture, and faith. Your supports should be able to work with you in ways that affirm all parts of your identity, and it's okay to ask for what you need to feel safe and supported.
"A part of getting help for me has been learning that you aren't your emotions. Learning to kind of accept that feelings are going to come and go. I think being compassionate with yourself also helps you take a little bit of control. It feels like you're not just being thrown around by your emotions. I think mindfulness and self-compassion are the biggest things for me." – Francie (24)
Tips for looking after yourself
Alongside professional support, there are also things you can do day to day to care for yourself and make life feel a little steadier.
It sounds simple, but self-care basics can make a big difference. Getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, moving your body in ways that feel good to you, nourishing yourself, noticing how substance use may affect your mood, and building rhythm and routine into your day can all help to build stability.
If you're feeling tangled up in strong emotions there are lots of ways to ground yourself. Techniques like taking deep breaths, noticing five things around you, or having a cold glass of water are simple but can help you centre yourself enough that you don't feel so 'thrown around' by feelings. Experiment with what works for you.
Labelling emotions can create space and reduce overwhelm. For example, saying to yourself 'I feel anxious' if this feeling comes up. It might sound small, but it's backed by research as an effective way to untangle yourself from strong emotions.
Music, journaling, art, sport, nature, time with animals. Whatever helps find a little bit of calm in your body and chill your mind.
Spending time with people you trust can help you feel supported.
A safety plan is a resource that includes a list of contacts, coping strategies, and preferred supports for times when you need it. Knowing who to contact when things feel unsafe and letting a few close people know how you want to be supported if you are feeling overwhelmed can help you through tough times in the ways that work for you. It can be helpful to create safety plans with your care team and/or trusted adults. Apps like Beyond Now can also be really useful.
Looking after yourself isn't about getting it perfect – it's about learning what helps you feel grounded, connected, and cared for. Small, consistent acts of self-kindness can build strength over time and support you, even on the hard days.
"For me, being in nature is important. I feel like more of a person when I'm in nature. I find that when you are outside, you are just a person, and the trees are just trees and you are more connected. It feels so hard to navigate life sometimes but when you're outside and you're just a living, breathing thing with other living, breathing things, it can be really grounding." – Francie (24)
Finding community
BPD can sometimes leave people feeling disconnected or misunderstood. Finding community- through things like friends, culture, faith, family, shared interests, volunteering, and safe online spaces- can be a powerful part of healing. Feeling accepted and supported reduces shame and builds confidence.
Community can look different for everyone. Being seen, accepted, and supported by others can help reduce shame, build confidence, and create connection. Think about what communities or connections feel safe and supportive for you. Are there communities and connections you would like to explore?
Finding community can remind you that you're not alone- that others understand and accept you just as you are. Connection doesn't have to be big or perfect; even small, safe circles can bring a deep sense of belonging and hope.
"People are often left feeling like they're the only ones experiencing a certain thing. Seeking community is not just important for identity, but also important for mental health and being able to support each other. Especially if you have people in your life that don't understand or aren't that validating of you"– Francie (24)
Sharing your lived experience
You don't owe anyone your story. You get to choose if, when, and how you share your experiences. Sharing can bring understanding and reduce stigma, but it's okay to take your time or choose not to disclose.
If you do share, you can set boundaries, choose the setting, or ask others to learn more themselves about BPD so you don't have to explain everything. If someone responds unhelpfully, it's okay to step back.
Your experience is valid whether you talk about it or not. You get to decide what feels right and safe to you.
"It's like being queer—you choose where it's safe to come out. You don't have to explain everything. And if you do share, others can do their own research." – Francie (24)
Supporting someone with BPD
If you're supporting someone with BPD, it can help to:
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Try to stay patient and calm when things feel intense.
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Listen without judgment.
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Set healthy boundaries while still showing you care. It's okay to set boundaries if you ever feel unsafe, and to seek professional advice if you're unsure how to respond.
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Encourage them to seek support—and remember to look after yourself too.
Taking care of yourself as you take care of your loved one is super important (for both of you) and there is support available to help you with this. If you are supporting someone with BPD you might find this resource helpful. Even if your loved one doesn't feel ready for support, you can access support for yourself at eheadspace.org.au
You don't have to go through this alone, and neither do they.
Is recovery possible?
Absolutely. With support, many people learn new ways to navigate their emotions and build healthier relationships. It can take time to learn new ways of relating to ourselves, our emotions, and others, so being gentle with yourself through the process is important.
You might still experience intense emotions—but with tools, support, and connection, you can get through them.
Gentle reminders:
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You're not too much. Your emotions are real and valid.
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Change is possible. Your brain can grow and heal. You can learn new skills, strengthen relationships, and experience the world in new ways.
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You deserve care. There are people that want to listen and support you. Letting someone know if you are having a hard time is a strength.
While BPD can bring difficulties, many young people also have deep empathy and a capacity and desire for great connection; qualities that can be real strengths in relationships, creativity, and leadership.
Final thoughts
If you think you might be experiencing BPD symptoms, know that it doesn't define you. It's one part of your story, not the whole story. With support, understanding, and time, it's possible to feel safer, more connected, and more able to navigate life in ways that work for you.
Where to get support
If you ever feel unable to cope or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, ask for help immediately.
For immediate help contact triple zero (000) if it is an emergency
Lifeline: 13 11 14 lifeline.org.au
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 Kids Helpline
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467 suicidecallbackservice.org.au
Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636 beyondblue.org.au
Additional support services for young people
headspace: find your nearest centre or contact headspace
ReachOut: reachout.com
SANE Australia: 1800 187 263 sane.org
Last reviewed January 2026
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Mehlum, L., Ramleth, R. K., Tørmoen, A. J., et al. (2016). Dialectical behaviour therapy compared with enhanced usual care for adolescents with repeated suicidal and self-harming behaviour. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 55(4), 295–300.
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