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When anger builds up or spills over though, it can also start to hurt — you, and the people and things you care about.
When you can acknowledge your feelings with patience and choose your response with care, you can turn strong feelings into positive action.
Why do we feel angry?
There are lots of reasons why people might feel angry. You might be carrying frustration about things in your own life or in the world around you —like climate change, war, racism, and unfair systems. Perhaps you are juggling relationship tensions, social pressure, work and study stress, or being treated unfairly by others.
Often times it’s hard to pinpoint why exactly we feel angry, it’s just there. It's okay not to understand.
Whatever it is that’s going on for you, it’s okay to feel angry. It’s often a sign that you care and that you are ready for something to change.
What is anger?
Anger is an emotion that can show up in our bodies, thoughts, and behaviour. It might feel like:
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a racing heart or tight chest
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tension in your body, often jaw or shoulders
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circling thoughts that are hard to quiet down
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feeling restless, irritable, inpatient or on edge
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feeling like you don’t want to interact with others
When we get angry, stress hormones flood our system to help us respond. This surge is designed to protect us. If it happens too often though, it can wear us down and impact our health and wellbeing (and sometimes the wellbeing of those around us).
How we learn to respond to anger differs from person to person...
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Maybe you tend to withdraw and shut down, shout, cry, scramble to ‘make everything better’, or feel the urge to break things or slam doors
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Sometimes people try to manage anger by using things like food, screens, self-harm, and substances to push the feelings away. This might feel like it works temporarily but can leave us feeling worse in the long term. It can also build habits that can become tough to shake.
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Perhaps you already have some ways of using your body and breath to find steadiness when you’re feeling angry. We’ll deep dive into this more
The better we know ourselves, including how anger shows up in our brains, body, and behavior, the easier it becomes to identify it earlier and build choices around how we want to respond.
The anger iceberg
Anger is sometimes called a ‘secondary emotion’. It can be the ‘tip of the iceberg’ for more vulnerable feelings sitting below the surface. Beneath anger, we might find feelings of hurt, fear, disappointment, guilt, jealousy, grief, shame, and exhaustion.
We might also experience anger in situations where we are feeling…
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unable to control a situation
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threatened or frightened
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unfairly treated
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misunderstood, ignored, or not listened to
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the pressure of expectations
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a loss of connection to family, community or country
If you come from a culture or family that’s experienced a collective hurt like loss, racism, colonisation, or displacement- or you have been discriminated against for your identity, sexuality or disability- anger can be a part of that story too. It’s a human response to pain and injustice.
Expressing anger can be a response to feeling helpless in the grip of strong feelings. You don’t need to push that away; with patience and care you can learn to listen to it and express it safely.
"When I received my autism diagnosis at 19 years old, it was a lot to take in...As it sunk in, I started to feel really angry when I thought about how many times my primary school teachers had ignored my needs...After I while I realised that I was not just angry about this, but also very sad for how things could have been so much better for me growing up" - Young person (19)
Repair after expressing anger
Everyone gets angry sometimes and it’s okay to show anger. While it’s important to find ways to express it that don’t harm, it might still come out in hurtful ways sometimes. If this happens, what you do next is important.
Repair is about coming back together after a tough moment: pausing, taking responsibility for your part, and checking in with the other person about how they're feeling.
It can look like saying...
“I’m sorry I snapped- I was overwhelmed, but it wasn’t okay,” or asking,
“Can we talk about what happened when you’re ready?”
Repair doesn’t erase conflict, but it helps to rebuild trust, strengthens the relationship, and shows the other person that you care enough to try again. It’s also a chance to learn more about yourself, like your needs, boundaries, and stress points, so that future conversations feel safer and more respectful for everyone involved.
Anger vs. Aggression
Anger is a feeling. Aggression and violence are actions. Feeling angry doesn’t automatically mean you are going to lash out but if anger turns into aggression, like saying mean or cruel things, bullying, physical intimidation and violence, it can escalate conflict, seriously hurt people and relationships, damage property, cause lasting fear and harm, and lead to legal, school, or community consequences that might affect your future and the wellbeing of people around you.
Using aggression or violence towards others is never okay. Learning to recognise anger early gives you more control over how it comes out.
Anger, breaking it down
You can think of anger as having three layers:
1. What you feel in your body... heat rising, tight jaw, pounding heart, racing thoughts
2. What you do... the actions that follow the angry feelings, like shutting down or shouting
3. What’s really underneath it... maybe there is a thought or feeling that is leaving you feeling angry? Like, “This isn’t fair”, “I feel powerless”, “I’m scared”
You can’t control the first layer, it’s your body’s natural alarm system, but you can learn to work with the next two. We’re not saying this is always easy, particularly if emotions come really fast and strong, but it is possible with practice.
“When I feel like my partner isn’t listening to me I can start to feel really angry. It shows up for me in my body like knots in my stomach, thumping heartbeat, tightness in my throat. At times I have reacted by saying something hurtful or just shutting him out. I’ve come to understand that beneath the anger is a fear that my feelings don’t matter. I’m learning to take a breath, give myself some compassion, and open up when I feel ready.”
"For a long time I really struggled to understand why I was struggling with my mental health. Often times this made me really angry with myself and led to my relationship with my family taking a massive dive because of how I was feeling and acting. I wish I could have been more patient with myself and reached out sooner." – Angus (age)
When you understand what your anger is trying to say, it can help you choose your response.
Shifting from reaction to response
Here are three steps to help you respond to anger and be in a better position to choose your response.
When anger build up, your body can feel like it’s buzzing with energy. It may sound simple but sciences backs that moving your body helps release that energy instead of letting it boil over. Even short bursts of movement can release those stress hormones and help your body make feel-good ones.
You don’t need to do a ‘work out’, just move in ways that feel doable for you.
Research shows that just 10 – 20 minutes of movement can help your body calm down and think more clearly.
You might try...
- Walking or running around the block
- Dancing to a song you love
- Shaking out your arms, stomping your feet
- Jumping on the spot or bouncing on a trampoline
- Kicking or bouncing a ball
Other ways to work with your body are...
- Splashing cold water on your face
- Doing stretches, like yoga
- Getting outside in nature
- Taking deep breaths, try and make your exhale long and slow
- Singing loudly and/or playing an instrument
Work with your body to find ways to release the energy. When your heartbeat slows again, you’ll be in a better place to choose your next step.
Sometimes anger shows up before you have time to catch up with what's really driving the angry feelings. This is your cue to pause and check in.
Ask yourself: What else am I feeling right now?
- You might try filling the gaps in this sentence: “I feel ___ when ___ because ___.” Example: “I feel angry when people talk over me because it makes me feel invisible.”
- Write down or record yourself speaking from the heart. Let yourself speak or scribble down everything that comes to mind. Sometimes this can help us uncover what else is going on for us.
- Try talking it out, find a trusted person you can open up to that can help you make sense of what’s leaving you feeling angry. You might find this resource helpful: 5 ways to effectively communicate your feelings.
- It's often unhelpful to try to talk things through with others when we're feeling really angry, as it's harder for us to listen and reflect when we're worked up and in the grip of strong feelings. Letting people know you need space is not walking away. It’s okay to leave the talking until later if opening up in the heat of the moment isn’t helpful. You might say; “I want to talk about this, just not right now.” That’s not walking away, it’s walking towards a better outcome.
- Show yourself some compassion and validation. Remind yourself... “This is anger. It’s letting me know something important that needs my attention. I can choose what to do with it.”
Anger can be a spark for change. Many powerful movements- from climate action to racial justice- were sparked by collective anger transformed into purposeful actions.
Anger can also create change in quiet, personal ways. It might help you set a boundary in a friendship that hasn’t been feeling right, ask for what you need in a relationship, or start taking better care of yourself after realising you’ve been stretched too thin.
Once you have an understanding of what's behind the angry feeling you can ask yourself “What is this telling me to do next?”
Examples of actions you could take might be...
- Raise the issue if there is something you’d like to be doing differently in your relationships. You can check out tips for communicating your feelings here
- Join a community project, youth collective, or campaign that aligns with what matters to you
- Create art, music, or writing that gives your feelings a voice (and platform if you want to share it with others)
- Build more self-care into your routine to honor your relationship with yourself
- Connect with people who share your experiences and/or cultural background
- Spend time on Country or in nature to help re-centre yourself
Sometimes anger shines a light on what’s missing- like respect rest, or fairness- and pushes us toward growth. It can help you find your voice, strengthen self-respect, find connection in community, and motivate you to live in a way that feel more true to what you value.
Anger channeled wisely can be a powerful and positive force. It can help you care for and stand up for what matters to you.
When anger feels too big
Everyone gets angry sometimes. If it feels like it’s showing up more often, lasting longer, or feeling harder to respond to, it might be time to reach out.
If anger is hurting, you or others, you don’t have to handle that alone. Using aggression or violence towards others is never okay and there are people and places available where you can talk safely about it and receive the support you need.
Talking about anger isn’t a failure to control it; it’s an act of strength. It means you’re open to learning new ways to relate and express it.
You can...
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Talk to someone you trust – a friend, family member, teacher, coach, Elder, or community leader
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Reach out to a counsellor, GP, or headspace for support to build understanding and skills
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If you are being harassed or discriminated against, you can also seek support through a welfare officer, legal aid, or cultural service
Final thought
Anger isn’t a problem, it’s a messenger. It’s an important human emotion that says, “This matters.” When you can listen without letting it take over, anger can be an ally- helping you speak up, stand up, and build a better world for yourself and others.
Where to get support
For more information, get online and phone support or find your nearest headspace centre.
Additional youth support services
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800: kidshelpline.com.au (5-25 years)
ReachOut: reachout.com.au (under 25s)
SANE Australia: 1800 187 263: sane.org (18+ years)
Lifeline: 13 11 14. A 24-hour crisis service: lifeline.org.au (all ages)
Other useful resources
Centre for Clinical Intervention: Assert Yourself is a workbook on communicating well and assertiveness.
headspace interactive activities help you build your skills to improve your mental health and wellbeing. For activities that support anger management, check out communicating clearly, problem solving and self-compassion.
The headspace Content Reference Group oversee and approve clinical resources made available on this website.
Last Reviewed 19 January 2026
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