what you need to know about self-harm

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For some young people, self-harm is a one-off event. For others, it can happen several times or become a repeated behaviour that can feel hard to change. If it’s something you are facing, you’re not alone. Understanding what leads to it and how to get help is a step towards feeling more in control, supported, and hopeful. 

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What is self-harm?

Self-harm means hurting yourself on purpose often in response to difficult emotions, thoughts, or situations. It can include things like cutting, burning, hitting yourself, or other behaviours that cause pain or injury such as neglecting yourself or deliberately overdosing on medication, drugs or other harmful substances.  With the right help, people can learn different ways to cope and over time will rely less on self-harm as a strategy. 

 

Why do people self-harm? 

Self-harm is often a way of trying to cope with emotional pain, difficult memories, numbness, or overwhelming distress. There are different reasons why people might self-harm and while it may seem to offer temporary relief, over time it can become a challenging and harmful coping strategy to change. It’s also okay to not know why you are self-harming. Sometimes the emotions can feel so overwhelming and confusing, that it is hard to communicate how you are feeling or even understand why you are doing it. 

There is no one reason people self-harm. Everyone’s story is different. Some of the common reasons include;  

  • Trying to manage strong emotions: like sadness, anger, anxiety, or fear 

  • Feeling in control: when everything else feels out of control  

  • Self-punishment: when people feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, shame, or self-disgust 

  • Feeling emotionally numb: or disconnected from others, their identity or the world 

  • Trying to let others in: it can sometimes be an attempt to seek care when it feels difficult to communicate in other ways 

Some experiences, like trauma or mental health challenges, can make it more likely that someone might turn to self-harm as a way to cope with distress. Trauma can include things like bullying, abuse, discrimination, neglect, or grief and can be a onetime event or ongoing stress. Not everyone who self-harms has had these experiences. Everyone's story is their own. It is also important to remember that self-harm isn't a mental illness. It is a symptom or a behaviour that can be linked to mental health challenges or emotional distress.  

You might hear self-harm referred to as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), which means the person is not trying to end their life but is trying to manage overwhelming feelings. It differs from suicidal thoughts and behaviour, as it is more about people trying to manage distress rather than ending their lives. Experiencing one of these doesn’t always mean people will experience the other.  

"Sometimes you might not know why you are feeling these urges and that’s okay. In moments like this, it can be really helpful to talk to someone safe who can help guide you through the process. For me, reaching out to headspace and my school social worker helped make my journey feel less overwhelming and isolating. I knew I had people to turn to when I needed them. They helped me learn new coping skills and I came to understand that it’s okay if some strategies don’t work for me or don’t work all of the time."

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I often felt pressure to give family an answer "why", but this can be difficult and is often something you need to work out with a professional

What can I do if I self-harm?

Self-harm is often a signal that something deeper is going on. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you, it means that you’re trying to cope in the best way you know how right now. If you’ve been self-harming or thinking about self-harming, it’s important to remember that it is an attempt to cope with and manage something. With the help of others, you can learn skills and be supported to cope in ways that won’t cause you harm. There are people who can support you and want to support you. Humans also have a great capacity to learn and grow, and this includes finding different ways to cope and self-regulate.  

Your culture, community, language and identity matter. They shape how you understand and experience distress- and how you heal. Talking with a trusted family member, friend, teacher, or Elder about what you’re experiencing is a good first step. Talking to someone might feel hard at first but getting support is important as self-harm can carry risks like infection or serious injury and can also make it harder to manage in the long term. If stopping all at once feels too hard, know that it’s okay to take it step by step. Support is there to walk alongside at your own pace. Starting the conversation is the first step.  

Things that can help… 

 Alongside talking to someone, other things that can help include… 

Keeping track of what’s happening before, during and after you self-harm. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings and the environment- can help you notice the pattern. Are there certain situations, places, relationship or feelings that make the urges stronger? Understanding this can help you to be become more aware or your patterns and feel more in control to choose different responses and consider how you can look after yourself in situations that might cause you distress.  

 

When you’re feeling the urge to hurt yourself, it can be hard to think clearly in the moment. That’s why it’s helpful to make a list of things you can do instead — ways to help you ride out the feelings until they pass. Your coping strategies are personal to you, so choose things that feel safe and that genuinely help you feel calmer, more in control, or supported. You might find it helpful to get support from a trusted person to create this list.  

Strategies might include: 

  • Talking to someone you trust,  

  • Doing something creative 

  • Moving your body 

  • Using grounding techniques to help regulate and calm you. Grounding can be as simple;  

    • Pressing your feet into the floor and noticing how steady they feel 

    • Holding an object & paying attention to it’s texture and temperature  

    • Taking a slow breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, like you are blowing out a candle   

It’s okay to ask for help from a health professional too. They can help you find strategies that keep you safe and work in the long term. Remember; coping is a skill you can build, and every time you use a healthy strategy, you’re taking a step toward feeling stronger and more in control. 

If you notice the urge to self-harm this can be a useful tool.

  • Delay... Putting off self-harming, even for a few minutes, can allow the urge to pass and over time make it easier to sit with the feeling without acting on it  

  • Distract... Involve yourself in something else, something simple that uses lots of your senses like making a coffee, watching a tv show, playing a game  

  • Deep breaths... it might sound simple but your breath is a powerhouse tool for grounding and regulation. You might try counting to 4 on your inhale holding for a moment and then counting to 4 on your exhale. After a few rounds check back in with yourself, what do you notice?   

  • Discuss... still finding the urge hard to shake, that’s okay, is there someone you can chat to help you ride this wave?  

Different things work for different people. Some strategies might be more helpful at different times depending on where you are or what you are feeling. Try different ones and notice what helps you feel calmer, connected, or more in control. At first, they may not feel super helpful but it’s worth giving them a few goes. You’re learning something new and that takes courage and sometimes a bit of time but it’s worth it. 

“When I was really struggling with thoughts of self-harm, I found that a combination of strategies helped me the most. Sometimes it took me a few tries to find something that helped me work through the thoughts and feelings I was having and that’s okay. Not putting pressure on myself to feel better right away was key, as I realised that expecting instant results only made me feel more frustrated. Be gentle with yourself and understand that this takes time. There is no right way to get through this and everyone’s journey looks different.” 

headspace YouTube video: Self-Harm: Understanding Unhelpful Myths and Ways to Get Help

Aftercare 

Learning new ways to cope takes time, and it’s okay if you’re still figuring things out. If you’ve self-harmed, know that it doesn’t mean you aren’t making progress. Even just delaying, doing it less often, or tending to your wounds with care is something to acknowledge. Healing isn’t about perfection – it’s about learning to bring more kindness to yourself, especially in the hard moments. After care is not just about looking after your body – it’s a chance to practice self-compassion, to remind yourself that you are worthy of care, and to gently reconnect with yourself.  

Here are some more tips for caring for yourself if you’ve recently self-harmed… 

  1. Clean and care for your wounds. If you have any open or exposed wounds, gently wash the area with clean water. Apply an antiseptic if you have it and cover it with a clean bandage. If the injury is deep, seek medical help; you deserve proper care.  

  1. Be kind to your body. You and your body have been through something tough. Rest. Wrap yourself in something soft. Drink water. Eat something nourishing. Whatever will help you and your body in this moment to feel safe and supported.  

  2. Talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to a friend, family, therapist or helpline. Sharing can really help.  

“The urge to engage in self-harm can feel overwhelming and all-consuming, but it can also be fleeting. Finding a tool that can distract your attention for a few moments can be useful in overcoming the worst of the urges. There will be times when tools don't prevent you from self-harming. Remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself, recovery isn't always easy or perfect. Different strategies will be useful for different people, try to find the ones that work the best for you and focus on them.” 

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I have heard many young people describing it as feeling like a compulsion or an addiction, which I also felt. This made it feel harder to stop for myself but getting the right support was key.

What if I don’t feel ready to talk to someone I know?

There are also mental health professionals who can help you develop your coping skills. Mental health professionals can work with you to explore what’s going on underneath the self-harm and build other ways of coping. Therapies like Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) have been shown to help reduce self-harm, especially when they focus on building emotional regulation, self-compassion, and relationship skills. Health professionals should; respect your autonomy, include your culture and identity, use language that empowers you, and involve you support system when you want them to. It’s okay to ask questions and find someone who feels like the right fit for you.  

You can:

“When I was struggling to speak with someone I knew, I reached out to helplines (both online and over the phone). It felt scary but I knew it was an important step to take. These services gave me a safe outlet to talk things through before I was ready to open up to someone closer to me. I always found the people I spoke to were supportive and understanding. They listened without judgement, gave me space to share at my own pace and never pushed me to talk about anything I wasn’t ready to discuss. They worked with me to make sure the support I received felt right for me at every step of the way. That helped me find my voice and eventually feel ready to talk with someone I trusted.” 

How can I help a young person who self harms?

The best way to help someone is to listen to them and encourage them to connect with professional help. You don’t have to have all the answers, just being a kind, caring support goes a long way.  

  • Your role in supporting someone is not to understand the why or the cause of the distress, but simply to recognise and validate that distress and support them to seek further support as needed. it’s important not to make assumptions or jump to conclusions about their reasons or pressure the person into explaining if they aren’t sure or aren’t ready to share 

  • There can sometimes be assumptions that self-harming is motivated by wanting to seek care. This can be true but labelling it ‘attention seeking behaviour’ can make someone less likely to reach out again or feel judged or misinterpreted if they do 

  • Making ultimatums or trying force the person to stop can make things worse. Creating a safe place for someone to be open and supporting them and allowing them to set the pace can help them open up and seek help 

  • If you have concerns about their safety you can call the local mental health triage line, 000, or support them to go to the emergency department of the local hospital. 

Supporting someone you care about who has self-harmed can feel confronting. It’s just as important to care for yourself as it is to care for them. Think about if it would be useful to get some advice or support for yourself. There are people available to support you in this too. You might find our resource on Understanding Self Harm for family (biological or chosen) helpful.  

“For me, what helped most was having someone who could just sit with me, even in silence, and be understanding. That kind of non-judgemental support made a big difference. Every person is different and so are their needs, but if you’re not taking care of yourself too, it can lead to burnout. Be gentle with yourself and the person you’re supporting. 

“There can be a lot of shame and confusing emotions linked to self-harming, so it is important to remain non-judgmental and not jump to conclusions. This can help create a safe space for the person to reach out again if they need to.” 

When to get support

If you ever feel unable to cope because of intense emotions or if you have thoughts of harming yourself, then ask for help immediately. Every time you reach out, every time you choose to try something different, you are supporting yourself to feel safer and more connected.  

For immediate help contact: triple zero (000) if it is an emergency

National 24/7 crisis services:

 

Additional youth support services include:

The headspace Clinical Reference Group oversee and approve clinical resources made available on this website.

Last reviewed: 21 October 2025

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