walking with them: supporting a young person impacted by trauma

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Trauma is a word that gets used a lot— in lots of different ways, but what does it actually mean for young people? And what can healing look like?

When a young person you care about is going through a tough time, especially something that is not always well understood like trauma, it can feel like you’re stumbling in the dark. It might leave you feeling worried, confused, helpless—or even bring up difficult or traumatic experiences of your own. You might not always know what to say or do. But just by showing up, wanting to understand, and being open to learning—you are already making a difference. 

Family can be defined as anyone that plays a meaningful role in a young person’s life whether they have biological ties or have been chosen to walk alongside us. Whilst trauma can affect young people in many ways- including how they think, feel, relate and cope- family can play a vital role in helping young people recover a sense of safety, reconnect with their strengths, and rebuild trust in themselves, others, and the world.  

With understanding and connection you can be a steady, supportive presence in their healing journey – and you don’t have to do it alone.  

Understanding trauma

These days, trauma is a word that gets used in lots of different ways. You might hear a young person say, “That exam was traumatic”, or “I’m traumatised after that awkward conversation”. While these comments might sound casual, they often reflect genuine emotional stress. For many young people, the word trauma has become a way to describe experiences that feel difficult or hard to make sense of – even if they don’t fit a clinical definition.  

Reflecting on the way language is used to describe things matters and the word trauma might be differently understood and related to by others in the context of their experiences and culture. It’s important to be aware of what trauma is and how it can show up in people’s lives. If a young person in your life uses the term ‘trauma’ to describe an experience, this is an opportunity to get curious and ask yourself: How did this experience affect them? What do they need to feel secure?  

Mental health professionals refer to the clinical definition of trauma as, the emotional, psychological, and physical response that can occur after a person experiences or witnesses an event – or series of events - that are threatening, harmful, and deeply distressing. These events can involve actual or perceived danger to a person’s life, body, or sense of self and safety. This can include things that happen to a person, but it can also be about what didn’t happen or what we didn’t receive - like being neglected, never feeling loved by our caregivers, not being cared for physically and/or emotionally in a good enough or consistent way. 

When we talk about trauma from a mental health perspective, it’s not defined solely by the event itself, but by how the person experiences the event at the time and processes the event afterwards. How it felt and still might feel their body, their thoughts, their sense of self and safety. What’s traumatic for one person may not be for another. Responses are shaped by things like age, past experiences, support systems, cultural context, and a person’s unique nervous system.  

Approximately two-thirds of young people will have been exposed to at least one potentially traumatic event by the time they turn 16. One study found that 84% (or more than 8 out of 10) young people attending headspace centres experienced some form of childhood trauma. Different factors will influence how great the impact is on our lives (like whether we had people around to support us at the time).  

The word trauma can be used in different ways. Trauma from a clinical sense speaks to the way a traumatic event is experienced and the impacts it has long after. Many young people experience trauma and live with its effects.  

What are traumatic events 

Traumatic events and experiences can take many forms. Sometimes trauma arrives suddenly, like a car accident, an unexpected loss, or an act of violence. You might hear this referred to as single incident or acute trauma. Other times, it builds over time—through experiences like bullying, abuse, discrimination, racism, intimate partner violence, family violence, or neglect. When a person experiences multiple layers of trauma, perhaps a combination of relational and situational events that cause harm and impact them long term across many aspects of their social and emotional wellbeing, this is called complex trauma. 

Trauma often doesn’t start or end with one person. Many families and communities carry pain that’s been passed down— perhaps unspoken but deeply felt. Intergenerational trauma, often rooted in abuse, illness, poverty, colonisation, migration, war, and/or disconnection from culture and community, can live on in families for generations. It’s not always obvious, but it shows up in the ways we relate to one another, in how we parent and were parented, in the things we don’t talk about, or the emotions that feel too big to name. 

There are different terms that refer to different ways that trauma can show up in a person’s life. No matter how the trauma presents itself it can have a big impact.  

How trauma can show up

Trauma looks different for everyone. Sometimes the effects of trauma are loud—anger, panic, risk-taking. Other times they’re quiet—withdrawal, numbness, disconnection, difficulty sleeping, not wanting to talk. Often it will impact multiple areas of life like study, work, and relationships. Young people might stop doing the things they used to enjoy. They might seem like they don’t trust anyone—or like they’ll do anything not to be left alone. These are survival responses. They are signs a young person is doing their best to cope with overwhelming stress. Trauma teaches the brain and body to stay on alert. Even after the danger has passed, the nervous system might not feel safe yet. This can be terrifying and confusing.  

When a young person has experienced trauma, it’s not uncommon for the impacts to show up at home- in outburst, defiance, or withdrawal. While this can be incredibly challenging for family, home is often (not always) the one place a young person might feel safe enough to let those big, confusing feelings out. This means family may see parts of the pain that others don’t. It can put strain on relationships and leave everyone feeling exhausted and unsure of what to do. But these reactions aren’t a sign of failure – they’re often a sign that young person is trying, in their own way to process what’s happened. That being said, it’s okay to hold space for them whilst maintaining boundaries that allow you to keep yourself, your young person, and your loved one safe.  

Going through something scary or overwhelming in childhood can have a big impact. At a young age, children are still developing, making sense of the world, and learning how to ask for help. They might not have the words or understanding to explain what they are going through- and they also don't have much power or control over what's happening around them. It's important to know that no child is too young to be affected by trauma- in fact, the younger they are, the more vulnerable they can be. And because children and young people are still figuring out who they are, trauma can also disrupt their developing sense of self. This is especially true for young people that have experienced racism, homophobia, or homelessness, are neurodivergent, living with a disability, or part of any community that has experienced discrimination and marginalisation.  This is not because of who they are but because of how society treats them. Trauma can also be related to disconnection from culture, language, land, or faith practices or be experienced by witnessing the struggles faced by people in your community or country — whether through war, natural disaster, or injustice. And these experiences may also intersect.  Trauma doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it’s shaped by the systems and environments we live in. For many, the trauma isn’t just the event, but the way they were treated afterward—or not treated at all. 

Whilst certain circumstances might make some young people more prone to being exposed to trauma. Family, culture, community and belonging can play a central role in healing. 

Trauma can show up for young people in lots of different ways. Different factors can shape how we are impacted by traumatic experiences.  

Trauma and PTSD  

Often people think about specific trauma-related disorders or diagnoses, like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as the main way that trauma-related difficulties present. The diagnosis of PTSD was first formally recognised in adults in 1980 following research with war veterans and survivors of violence. It focused primarily on male soldiers and did not include young people. We know that many young people develop PTSD but what we better understand now is that whilst trauma can deeply affect young people PTSD is not the most common way, nor only way that trauma presents or impacts young people’s mental health. It is also likely to show up for young people as other difficulties such as struggles with their relationships, mood, anxiety, and/or substance use disorders.   

The important things to focus on if trauma-related difficulties show up are:   

  • Young people deserve support and care  
  • They don’t need a diagnosis to get support  

What you can do to support them 

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have all the answers. What matters most is your presence—your willingness to stay in relationship, even when it’s hard. Your steadiness can be a powerful anchor and you don’t need to be a therapist to help a young person heal.  

 

1. Check in with yourself  

It’s not easy to learn your young person has experienced trauma, and supporting them through its ongoing impact can be hard. How are you doing? How are you feeling in your body? What supports do you have? One of the best things you can do for them is try to find some steadiness in yourself. Getting some support for yourself can really help with this. There are lots of ways you can access some support - including confidential support to protect the privacy of your young person.  

 

2. Building understanding  

What you are doing right now in this moment, building understanding- both for your young person and for your yourself- is a powerful step in supporting healing from trauma. Trauma responses- like shutting down, lashing out, avoiding, or trying to please- are not chosen; they are the body and brain stepping in to protect in overwhelming moments. When a young person is triggered, their thinking brain is often offline, and they may not be able to talk or reason. In those moments you can do a lot in staying present. It can help them to ground and regulate knowing that you are still there, and if they need space, that you will be there when they are ready.  

 

3. Establish safety 

Try to be a calm, steady presence. Even when they push you away, knowing you’re still there can be grounding. Keep showing up. Often, young people who’ve experienced trauma struggle with trust, especially if the trauma happened in a relationship that was meant to be safe. Predictability helps. Try to avoid yelling, sudden changes, or pressure to talk before they’re ready. If the person you are supporting is experiencing symptoms like flashbacks or dissociation, they might not be able to communicate with you in the moment. Keep showing up anyway. Calmness, consistency, and care are what rebuild safety over time. In moments of quiet and groundedness you can support them to articulate how they want to supported when they become triggered or overwhelmed and help them build strategies to soothe.  

 

4. Listen without judgement 

Let them tell their story—or not—at their own pace. Your young person may be scared or worried to tell you specific details around their trauma- it might be hard to relive it, they may worry about your reactions or be concerned about upsetting you. It’s important not to pressure them for details that they don’t feel ready to or want to share, but reassuring them that you are there for them in whatever way they need, that you believe them, that whatever they are feeling is real for them and makes sense, and that if they ever want to talk you will be ready to listen without trying to fix goes a long way. And if you feel upset or distressed by anything they share lean in to your own supports to work through your own feelings.  

 

5. Respect their boundaries 

Healing requires choice and control. Trauma often involves having those taken away. Let them make small decisions. Give them space when they need it and let them know they’re not too much. Be willing to sit in silence. Let them come back in their own time. And when they’re ready, walk beside them toward the next step. 

 

6. Encourage connection (not correction) 

It can be tempting to focus on “fixing” the problem—but healing often comes through relationships. Look for gentle ways to connect: music, walks, shared meals, or cultural and or faith based, community activities. Remind them that they don’t have to journey this alone.  

 

7. Learning to repair  

Be gentle with yourself. Family are human too, will have emotions, and react in ways that might not be helpful at times. It’s ok - what matters is repairing relationships after a rupture. To circle back to each other when you both feel ready and calm enough. To acknowledge it, to check-in. Getting comfortable with apologising when you got it wrong. This can be incredibly powerful for young people and models great relationship skills. You might like this video on repair  

 

8. Support their identity 

Young people healing from trauma often feel disconnected from their sense of self, culture, or community. Affirm who they are. Whether that’s gender, sexuality, neurodivergence, culture, or faith—back them with love and curiosity. 

 

9. Invite them to move, play, and create 

Encouraging your young person to gently engage in activities like rhythmic movement, trauma-informed yoga, walking, dancing, art making or music can be an important part of healing from trauma. These kinds of activities help regulate the nervous system, support emotional expression, and create a sense of safety in the body, especially when they’re done in a supportive, predictable, and non-pressured way. You don’t need to force anything – simply offering opportunities to move, play or create can make a real difference over time and might be something that you can do together. 

 

 10. Holding hope 

If your young person is feeling hopeless or has lost their sense of the future, one of the most powerful things you can do is gently hold hope for them- and for yourself. Even if they can’t see a way forward right now, your belief that things can change matters. Recovery from trauma is not only possible, it’s probable with the right support, connection, and care. Holding onto that hope, even in small ways, can help light the path ahead.  

 

“When I was supporting my YP through some of the toughest stuff, there were many times they were just not able to explain what they were feeling. It took me some time to understand that they were actually unable to communicate with me due to the effects of the trauma on their brain. Once I understood this, we were able to work together to come up with ways that I could help to support them when they experienced these really intense feelings.”

When avoidance makes life smaller: Supporting steps forward 

When someone you care about is living with the impacts of trauma, it natural to want to protect them from further distress. Supporting their sense of calm and safety is really important. At the same time, trauma can sometimes make everyday activities, or new experiences feel overwhelming but avoiding these can shrink a young person’s world overtime. This might look like pulling away from friends or family gatherings, finding it hard to return to school or study, steering clear of public places, or losing interest in hobbies and activities they once enjoyed.  

Research shows that, when it’s done gradually and with support, facing things that feel difficult (sometimes called ‘exposure’) can be an important part of recovery. Family can play a powerful role in encouraging small steps back into life- whether that’s joining in with daily routines, reconnecting with friends, or trying new things. Finding balance between comfort and encouragement helps young people feel supported, capable, and more confident in their own strength.  

When someone is living with the impacts of trauma, avoidance of important things can be an attempt to feel safe but overtime can make life small. An important part of healing from trauma is about gently but consistently leaning into life giving activities that help build meaning, connection and resilience. The important thing is going slowly and regularly trying to support a young person to take the next small step.  

Family and community healing 

Many families have their own stories of trauma. Perhaps you weren’t encouraged to talk about hard things growing up. Perhaps your culture or generation handled pain differently. Perhaps you are hurting for your loved one. Or feel grief for what’s been lost. These feelings are real and valid and if you or your family have experience trauma, it can be particularly difficult and potentially triggering to witness your young person navigating this too. If this is the case, getting your own support will be really helpful.  

Sometimes, the trauma is shared—like family loss, sorry business, a natural disaster, family or community violence, war and displacement, colonisation, and intergenerational trauma or family loss. In these cases, everyone is hurting in their own way.  

Try to name what’s happening. Create space for different responses. Family who acknowledge their pain, and seek to understand each other, tend to build stronger connections over time. 

Healing doesn’t always just happen in therapy rooms. Sometimes it begins in the kitchen, over cups of tea. Or on a walk. Or during quiet car rides where no one talks, but everyone feels held. It can happen on Country, in places where ancestors walked, in song, in prayer, or in shared laughter. It can happen when an Uncle tells a story, when a sibling offers a hug, or when someone finally feels seen for who they are. 

It might be a journey, but healing can look like:  

  • Feeling safer in your body and all parts of your identity  
  • Learning to be kind and compassionate towards yourself  
  • Reconnecting with culture, chosen family, community, and ancestry  
  • Building new, caring relationships 
  • Learning how to calm your nervous system in ways that work for you  

Healing looks different for everyone. It is nurtured through connection and relationship with safe others and places. This can look like connection to family, community, culture, nature, body, and breath.  

"Being in nature is important. I feel like more of a person when I'm in nature. When I feel like this loss of identity and not knowing who I am I find that when you are outside, you are just a person and the trees are just trees and you are kind of more connected. Sometimes it feels so hard to navigate life but when you're outside and you're just kind of a living, breathing thing with other living, breathing things, it can be really grounding" – Francie 24 

 

Sometimes the trauma of violence in the home or in relationships may still be happening. Family violence or intimate partner violence is any behaviour within a family or close relationship that causes physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, or financial harm. It can include things like yelling, threats, controlling behaviours, humiliation, or physical violence- and it can be especially damaging for children and young people. Experiencing violence at home is a form or trauma, and no one should have to live in fear in their own home. Safety is critical. If you and/or your young person are not in a safe situation, reach out to someone who can help

1800 Respect: 1800 737 732 or  www.1800respect.org.au

Looking after yourself 

Supporting a young person through trauma can take a toll. You might feel helpless, drained, angry, or heartbroken. You might feel like you’re failing, even when you’re doing your best. You might even be triggered into your own trauma responses. This doesn’t make you a bad parent, carer, or support person. It makes you human. 

You might be experiencing the same trauma as the young person you’re supporting, or carrying other trauma too. Supporting a young person through their healing can bring up your own stories and wounds. It can also be confronting and distressing to know that trauma has happened to your young person or taken place in your family. You might also be on different pages with family members about how to respond. This is common and it’s helpful to name it. When we acknowledge our own stories, we’re better able to support someone else through theirs. Be gentle with yourself and seek support if you need it.   

You deserve care too. Reach out for support—whether that’s a friend, other family, a cultural or faith community member, an Elder, a support group, or a health professional. It’s okay to ask for help. And it’s okay to take breaks. You’re not abandoning anybody by looking after yourself—you’re modelling what care looks like. That, too, is part of healing. 

"It might feel scary to leave your young person alone if they are struggling with the effects of trauma for worry of how they will be while you are not with them. It is also so important to take time out for yourself because vicarious trauma, burnout, and compassion fatigue are real and can affect the supporters of trauma survivors. It can be helpful to have a trusted friend or family member on call to help you feel better about taking some time for yourself and maybe check in on your young person so you can take time out.”

When professional help is needed 

Trauma can make us feel really out of control in lots of ways - in the moment, in our bodies, in our minds, in our behaviour. In supporting people to get help, it’s important to help them to feel as in control of things as possible. This might look like letting them know you are concerned and asking if they have already thought of getting help or tried to get help. If they did – asking, ‘How did it go? Finding the right support can take time, can I help you to try again or try something different?’.  If they haven’t, starting from a place of curiosity - have they considered it? What gets in the way? Would they be open to it? … could also name some common barriers. Perhaps they worry they will be asked to talk a lot about what happened before they are ready, or have ideas about what ‘trauma therapy’ is that they feel unsure about. Getting help doesn’t need to mean focusing on trauma it should begin wherever the person feels comfortable.  

There may be times when the young person you care about is struggling in ways that feel beyond what you can support alone. Even if they do need professional support - your role is still so important alongside that. If they are regularly overwhelmed, have difficulty functioning or going about tasks of daily life, engaging in risky behaviour, or expressing suicidal thoughts, it’s important to seek professional support. This might start with a visit to a GP, calling a helpline for confidential advice, a chat with a counsellor, or accessing a youth mental health service like headspace. There is help and support available that understands and respects your family’s background, beliefs, and ways of healing. As much as possible let the young person set the pace and take the lead in getting support with your help. There can be times though when we might need to get support even if a young person doesn’t want to because we are worried about their safety.  

Trauma can look like:

  • Ongoing anxiety, low mood, or anger  
  • Trouble with school, work, or relationships  
  • Difficulties with attention and focus 
  • Low self-worth and/or self-neglect 
  • Difficulties asserting boundaries and dealing with conflict 
  • Avoidance  
  • Flashbacks or nightmares  
  • Dissociation (feeling disconnected) 
  • Physical health issues like headaches or gut problems 
  • Taking risks that harm themselves or put them in danger  
  • Drug or alcohol use to numb feelings  
  • Self harm and/or suicidal thoughts and behaviours  

 

You don’t have to wait until things are at crisis point. Early support is protective. Let them know that getting help doesn’t mean they are broken— it means they are brave. 

Post traumatic growth 

Sometimes, in the aftermath of trauma, people can experience something known as post-traumatic growth. This doesn’t mean the trauma was a good thing or that it didn’t cause real pain- but rather, over time and with the right support, some young people may come to see new strengths in themselves. They might gain a deeper understanding of what matters to them, feel more connected in their relationships, have a deeper capacity for empathy, or discover a new sense of purpose. As a family member, your care, patience, and belief in their potential for healing can play a powerful role in helping these strengths emerge.  

Growth doesn’t happen overnight and healing isn’t linear, but it is possible and your support makes a difference.  

“Healing for me means regaining your identity without it being defined by your trauma and moving to a place of your own truth, comfort, and functionality. It’s not just surviving or making it through but living after”

 

Hope and healing 

Trauma can shake the foundations of a young person’s life. But healing is always possible. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to hold the story in a way that doesn’t carry the same impacts on a person’s social and emotional wellbeing. And that healing can ripple out—into family, communities, and across generations. As family, your love and support can be one of the most powerful healing tools there is. It won’t always be easy. But it matters. And the impact can last a lifetime. 

If you are reading this, you care. And that matters more than you know. You don’t have to be perfect. Just present. Keep listening. Keep loving. Keep learning. You are part of this story, and your steadiness can help light the way. 

Where to find support

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger contact triple zero (000) 

If you or someone you know is suicidal or you need more urgent support contact

For young people

 

For young people and adults

 

For parents and families:

 

Want to learn more?

The headspace Content Reference Group oversee and approve resources made available on this website.

Last reviewed October 2025

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  • Healing Foundation. (n.d.) Intergenerational trauma. Intergenerational trauma | The Healing Foundation

  • NCTSN (2017) What is complex trauma? A resource guide for youth and those who care about them. The National Child TRaumatic Stress Network

  • Orygen ( ) High levels of trauma major contributor to metal illness in young people, Orygen National Centre of Excelllence. Retrieved 28/06/25 from www.orygen.org.au

  • Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. http://www.jstor.org/stable/20447194

  • Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The body keeps the score: brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books. 

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