I was reaching the top in hockey, and my profile had exploded on the hockey scene. Now being recognised I was getting these amazing opportunities – but on the flipside, I was being constantly judged. When I started to struggle with hockey, and an unhealthy environment, my depression took over. I looked for quick-fixes to make me feel better, and ultimately withdrew from everyone. I hit a low when I was caught drink-driving, not from doing anything outrageous, just having dinner with friends. Either way, it was an error of judgement.
The next three months were some of the darkest of my life. I had no one to talk to, no one who I could share my demons with, and I struggled to get out of bed each day. It wasn't until the end of the year that I stepped back, left the environment that was causing me pain, and began a journey of health and happiness.
Although I made errors, I knew I valued kindness beyond anything and that it was time to reach out and talk about some of the things that made my life hard. Being in the public eye and battling with depression was difficult, as I tried to hide it and pretend I was OK. I didn't want to let anyone down, and by doing so at the start of the year I didn't know how I could go on. But sharing my story and searching for positivity has put me in a position to once again chase those dreams that I had as a kid. I am stronger because I know I am not alone, I do not have to be embarrassed, and I search for positive vibes in all things in life!
Thanks for reading,
Published 8 October 2017
2 Commonwealth Games gold medals
Young World player of the year
World Cup silver medallist
Best Hockeyroo at the World Cup, second best in the world