eheadspace Group Chat
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Group Chat
Pregnancy
August 12th 2018 @ 7pm AEST
Thinking about your own or someone else’s pregnancy can bring up a range of emotions and worries depending on what is happening in the rest of your life. Pregnancy might be something you’ve been hoping and planning for, or it might be unexpected – regardless, there are often lots of questions that come up.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 7:46 am
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 7:47 am
Clair eheadspace: Hi everyone and welcome to another group chat :)
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 7:47 am
Clair eheadspace: My name is Clair…. Thanks for joining us tonight to talk about planned and unplanned pregnancy - the things to consider about when deciding becoming a parent and the choices and support options available to you if you chose to continue with or terminate a pregnancy.
There are so many things to think about when it comes to pregnancy and the more you become informed, the clearer your decision will become. With so much chatter online and in the school yard, it can be really difficult to work out the facts from fiction, but hopefully this chat will answer some of your questions and you’ll feel better equipped to make choices that are good for your physical and mental health.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 7:48 am
Clair eheadspace: Tonight you’re chatting with eheadspace clinicians Emma, Rach, Celia, Lauren and Jasmine. We are also expecting a couple of young people from our headspace Youth National Reference Group (hY NRG) who are joining remotely so there may be times where there’s a delay in their response.
We always enjoy seeing you talking to and encouraging and being supportive during these chats – feel free to do that tonight too! You might have ideas that we don’t mention, or you may have experienced something similar and you can let us know what you thought about and how you coped with it.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 7:48 am
Clair eheadspace: As usual a couple of things before we start:
*When you submit your question it won't appear straight away
*Our team will be busy reading and preparing an answer to your question before it's posted live - we appreciate your patience!
*If we can't publish anything we'll let you know (in a private message)
*It’s really helpful if you can identify yourself with your name, or an alias, as it means we can more easily recognise any follow up comments from you guys and make sure we’re answering the right person
*It’s also helpful if you can pop your age in your question, sometimes there are different resources for younger people or different support options available depending on your age
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 7:48 am
Lauren eheadspace: Hi everyone, I'm Lauren!
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:23 am
RachR: Hi everyone, I'm Rach - thanks for logging on tonight :)
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:23 am
Emma eheadspace: Hi guys. My name is Emma. Great that you have joined us.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:23 am
Jasmine eheadspace: Hi All, My name's Jasmine and I am really looking forward to the chat!
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:23 am
Celia: Hi I am Celia
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:23 am
Clair eheadspace: While you’re starting to think about and send through your questions, I thought it might be helpful to talk a little about what pregnancy and what we hope to be covering tonight.
Relationships can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. They can last a lifetime, one night, a month or many years - but the decision to become a parent lasts a lifetime.
Many people often think that teenage pregnancies are not planned, but this is not always the case. Some teenagers plan to get pregnant or choose to not use contraception, even though they know they could get pregnant.
The decision to become pregnant or to continue with an unplanned pregnancy is a very personal choice that is influenced by many factors including the persons age, financial status, support and religion to name a few.
Becoming informed and thinking about short term and long term implications of choosing to have or not have a child, is a good way to start your decision making process. Thinking about what the other person wants too, for many may be something to consider. Depending on your situation, this may a joint decision or one that you make on your own.
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:24 am
Comment From Amal
I come from a really religious family who are angry enough about me being pregnant – I don’t want to keep the baby but they will literally disown me if I have an abortion. How do I go about adoption??
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:29 am
Lauren eheadspace: That’s a really difficult situation to be in Amal, not wanting to continue a pregnancy but feeling like termination isn’t an option due to family pressure. It’s a big commitment choosing to continue a pregnancy and not planning on raising the child so the first thing I would encourage you to do is to get a good network of support around you. A good place to start with this is your maternity hospital – depending on where you live, you’ll be referred by your doctor to a hospital to handle your care during pregnancy. In your initial appointment you can request the support of a social worker who can help you navigate the adoption process for you and link you in with the appropriate supports.
For thorough information regarding the process of adoption you can have a read of this pamphlet: https://services.dhhs.vic.gov.au/sites/default/files/2017-05/Information-for-birth-parents-considering-adoption.pdf

Something to keep in mind is that as much as you can prepare for the adoption of your child – nothing will be definitely arranged until after its birth – you still have until 16 days after giving birth to make your final decision.
You’re not trapped in this situation Amal – there is help and support available to you no matter what you choose. You don’t have to go through this journey alone.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:25 am
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:26 am
Comment From Alex
Me and my boyfriend had sex last night and the condom broke!!! Do I need to be 18 to get the morning after pill? Is it true it’s the same as having an abortion??
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:26 am
Emma eheadspace: Great questions Alex – it’s something that I think has happened to most of us at one point in our life or another so it’s good to be informed about what the options are.
First and foremost you don’t need to be 18 to buy emergency contraception! Anyone can buy the emergency contraception from a pharmacist. They will ask you questions to ensure that this medication is right for you – they legally have to do this for all medicines, not just contraception. If a pharmacist for whatever reason decided not to sell you the contraception – they MUST refer you to someone who will. Just like a doctor, all this information is confidential.
For emergency contraception to be effective, it must be taken within 3 days (72 hours) of having sex – the sooner you can take it the more effective it is!
It’s a common myth that taking emergency contraception is the same as having an abortion – but the morning after pill actually prevents or delays ovulation which prevents pregnancy. And something else good to know is that emergency contraction does not affect your future fertility at all.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:27 am
Alex, this video might be helpful :)
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:28 am
Comment From Phebe
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, I’m going to continue the pregnancy but I have no idea what to do or expect!! Help!
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:30 am
RachR: Thanks for the question Phoebe – I guarantee you you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed about being pregnant. It’s a huge thing to happen to you and affects not only our bodies but our minds, relationships, work everything! It unfortunately doesn’t come with a manual!
First things first is going to see a GP – what you can expect from this visit is a blood test and a urine test to confirm the pregnancy and check for any deficiencies (and to see if you’re a negative blood type!) They will also want to discuss your feelings surrounding the pregnancy, your families medical history and talk you through what ultrasounds and tests that will need to be done. If you’re a smoker or use alcohol or other drugs they will also want to talk to you about the risks involved with this and make a plan with you about how to reduce them. They will also want to discuss you diet and will go through some of the foods to avoid in pregnancy. Something else your GP will ask you about is the date of your last menstrual period – the reason for this is to estimate your delivery date.
You’ll then have some time to think about your pregnancy care options – e.g. whether you want to go public or private, whether you want a GP, obstetrician or midwife etc…
This website has lots more information about this:
Depending on where you choose to go you can access birthing classes which help you become informed about childbirth as well.
It’s an exciting time but also can be an emotional one so having a good support network is really important (especially with women who have had children).
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:29 am
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:30 am
Comment From Beth
Pregnancy sucks!! I’m really struggling emotionally, I’m tired all the time and just feel crap and my boyfriend is no help at all and doesn’t even seem excited about the baby. I’m terrified he’s going to be like this when the baby comes.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:35 am
Jasmine eheadspace: Thanks for sharing Beth and sorry to hear about your boyfriend, that sounds like a really hard situation!
Pregnancy is a huge transition for women and their partners. It can test the strongest of relationships.
Sometimes it can be frustrating feeling like we’re going through everything alone.
It’s difficult for men to get involved with the pregnancy because they aren’t experiencing what we are, they don’t have a tiny little person growing inside them or any of the symptoms or mood swings that we do. It’s easier for the mother to connect to the pregnancy emotionally. That being said, men need to put in the effort to try and connect with the pregnancy and most of all support you.
It would be worthwhile making a time to sit down with your partner so you can tell him how you’ve been feeling. Let him know that things are changing for you and tell him how he can be more supportive (sometimes guys have no idea!) Perhaps you could talk about some of your fears surrounding the pregnancy and what you’re excited about with the new baby.
There are some support websites for new dads that might help him work through his feelings surrounding the pregnancy:
https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/pregnancy-and-new-parents/dadvice-for-new-dads
It might also be a good idea if you’re not already to invite him to come along to come of your antenatal appointments, scans and classes. Read some parenting books together and talk to other family and friends about their experiences. Try to get him as involved as possible so that he can share this experience with you and understand more of what you’re going through.
I really hope things improve for you soon Beth and that you’re boyfriend steps up his game!
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:34 am
Comment From Lena
I’m 16 & think I am pregnant. Should I tell my parents? They will flip their shit.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:34 am
Lauren eheadspace: Hi Lena, thanks for your question. Pregnancy can be a pretty stressful and emotionally charged time whether it is a planned or unplanned pregnancy, or whether you are choosing to follow through with the pregnancy or not… given this is it is super important that you have people supporting you that are going to be considerate of your feelings and thoughts. Ideally your parents would be supportive and therefore great to speak with but if you don’t think they can be, you may not choose to speak with your parents. If you do not feel they will support you at this time, it would be a great idea to speak with a supportive adult…maybe an aunt, grandparent, older sibling or school counsellor. All of these people could help you to navigate an emotionally and physically demanding time in your life. Lena, you do not have to do this alone…there are people out there that will positively support you through this time, irrespective of the choices you make.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:34 am
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:34 am
Comment From Laura
My boyfriend and I were mucking around. We did not have sex but I have not had my period and am worried that maybe I am pregnant because we were physically so close…if you get what I mean.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:34 am
Jasmine eheadspace: Thanks for asking this question…I’m sure this something that other people have had on their minds a certain times.
Certainly there are a lot of reasons for your period to be late and pregnancy can be one of them. Many other reasons include stress, lack of regularity, illness, change in schedule, medications, weight change, miscalculation and then some. Often we don’t even know why, it just is.
The chances of becoming pregnant without penetration are actually incredibly slim, although it can happen. It is possible if you or your partner possibly has semen or pre-ejaculate on your fingers & touch your vagina or the ejaculate is near your vagina. The risk of this is very low because sperm can only live for a short time outside the body, however, if you’re not planning a pregnancy, it’s important to know this is possible.
If your period is more than 10days late I would suggest either going to your GP or taking a home pregnancy test. If you can’t wait that long then certainly you could do this before that time, but it is much more likely that you will get your period within a few days….just late because of one of the many other reasons.
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22nd Aug, 8:35 am
Comment From Kate
I was pregnant and was really unsure about if I wanted to keep the baby, I had organized to get an abortion but was having cold feet, when I found out I’d miscarried. Everyone tells me I should be relieved, but I feel really sad. Do I have a right to feel this way?
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:36 am
Lauren eheadspace: Thanks for your question Kate, and yes you absolutely have a right to feel this way. When we miscarry, no matter if the pregnancy was wanted or not, (or if there was doubt, confusion and cold feet) there is going to be an emotional reaction, and sometimes a really strong emotional reaction.
Feeling sad is a very normal, it sounds like you were feeling pretty confused and were still weighing up your options, when the decision was taken out of your hands. Getting some support during this time would probably be really beneficial, especially if your loved ones can’t really understand why you’re feeling the way you are.
You can go to your local headspace Centre (which you can find using the link the below) or go to your local doctor to get a referral to a psychologist in your area.
https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres/
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:35 am
Comment From Mae
I’m pregnant and don’t want to keep the baby but I am worried that if I have an abortion that I will not forgive myself. Either way I feel like I am going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:35 am
Emma eheadspace: Hi Mae. I’m sorry that you are feeling so burdened by this decision. It is important to know that many women experience the emotional effects of abortion differently. Some women report a sense of relief whilst others can experience shame and guilt or regret. These feelings will be mostly driven by your belief’s and values and ability to see the positive in the decision that you make. Although I would suggest that the feelings related to this decision will likely subside over time and become something that you can feel made sense at the time of the decision. Making a decision to have an abortion or not is a decision that only you can make and it is based on you and your experiences at this time in your life. Pressure and judgement from others should not come into your decision, irrespective of their role in your life…it is your body…your decision and your right to choice to continue with the pregnancy or not. Like you have no right to make judgement of others for this, they have not right to do that to you. Probably the most important thing you can do when facing an unplanned pregnancy is communicate with trained professionals who can answer your questions and discuss your individual circumstances. You are welcome to log on to eHeadspace for a webchat or call 1800 650 890 or you could talk to Pregnancy Counselling Australia who offer 24hours compassionate & confidential support service re unplanned pregnancy.
PREGNANCY COUNSELLING AUSTRALIA ph: 1300 737 732
Mae, it is also important to seek the support and care from a friend/s that will help you through this time…you don’t need to go through this alone. You might have a tendency to withdraw from others to keep your situation a secret and/to face the issue alone. Although it is difficult try to stay connected with friends and family who support you. Avoid people who are pressuring you to do what they think… remember it is your choice…no one else’s.
Mae, whatever your decision… you will resolve this in your mind and will not feel the burden that you are right now always… do what is right for you!
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:35 am
Comment From Tom
My girlfriend accidentally fell pregnant and has decided to have an abortion, which I support and know she needs to do what is right for her, but I am left feeling really empty and conflicted about this decision. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want her to know that I feel like this.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:36 am
Jasmine eheadspace: Thanks for giving us a guy’s perspective Tom. We know that often there is not a lot of information for young men presented with this issue and it’s really tough. You also may not feel that your mates will understand or have ever thought about the possibility of being a Dad.
I want to acknowledge how supportive and respectful you have been of your girlfriend. I also want to let you know, that your thoughts and feelings about the termination are important, and it is normal to feel empty or conflicted about the decision.
I would encourage you to talk to your girlfriend about how you feel. It sounds like you have a really open and supportive relationship, and she may have had many of the same thoughts and doubts you have been experiencing. You might find that by talking them through with her and going through the pros and cons of continuing the pregnancy, you might feel more involved in the process. It is a decision that not just impacts on your girlfriend but you as well!
I also want to encourage you to speak to a counsellor Tom, if you continue to feel conflicted about the decision or experience feelings of emptiness. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person, you can contact Mensline - https://mensline.org.au/
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:36 am
Comment From Dara
I’m 15years old and am having sex with my boyfriend of 18months but really freaked out that I might get pregnant. I want to enjoy it more and just be in the moment but I can’t stop being stressed out. Every months I’m a mess waiting for my period to come. Is this normal? Please help me.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:37 am
Emma eheadspace: Dara, it is normal for some women to feel anxiety about unplanned pregnancy, however you can help to reduce this anxiety by being more informed about pregnancy and contraception. If you are currently not on a pregnancy prevention contraception then it would be a great idea to visit your doctor. It is wise to use a birth control and continue to use condoms to protect yourself from the potential transmission of STDs. Most types of contraception’s are over 99% effective of used correctly, with the male condom being 98% effective if used correctly and consistently. Therefore these combined certainly should help to alleviate your stresses. There are many contraceptive options these days, that are incredibly reliable. Here are a couple of great link that will give you some more information about the options, side effects and effectiveness, but taking to your doctor will give you the best insight.
You do not have to tell your parents that you are talking to the doctor about this and the doctor will keep the content of your appointment confidential if this is your choice. If you are feeling uncomfortable about approaching this topic with the doctor alone, you could take a friend, chat with a responsible adult firstly or even try talking to your parents. Typically parents want to know that their young person is behaving in a responsible way, even if they are not overly happy about the choices….remember your parents were once your age and had to make choices about allsorts of similar stuff. Having the conversation, seeking advise of a doctor and thinking about protective and precautionary measures is the sign of an intelligent, mature minded, young person…your parents should actually be really proud of you.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:37 am
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22nd Aug, 8:37 am
Comment From Willow
I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I have no idea what to do!! I don’t think I can afford to have a baby but I don’t think I could go through with an abortion… Being faced with an unplanned pregnancy is one of the most challenging things to go through as a woman – but it’s important to trust in yourself that you can make the right decision.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:43 am
RachR: It’s really important when you’re faced with a big decision to take your time – allow yourself quality time and space to weigh up your options. Try and take care of both your physical and emotional wellbeing. Think about what YOU want. What is your present situation? What do you want for the future? Was having a baby part of your plan? What are the pros and cons of all three choices, parenting/abortion/adoption.
Listen to your heart and head and let them have a kind conversation with each other.
Think about who you might like to talk it out with. Is there a trusted family or friend who will give me the support I need?
Think about all the things you want to know and ask questions!!
You might want to talk to someone objective about your decision – perhaps a counsellor at a Headspace centre, here is a link if you wanted to find your closest centre:
Trust yourself and back your decision
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:37 am
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:37 am
Comment From Gina
I have been trying to fall pregnant for about 8 months now but nothing is happening. What should I do?
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:37 am
Celia: It can certainly take a while to fall pregnant and it is common to take around 12 months. We would encourage you to chat to your GP about it and they can guide you on what to expect. Your GP may run some blood tests and take it from there. It’s a good idea to find a GP you feel comfortable seeing and talking to as you may find you need ongoing appointments. Best wishes.
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:38 am
Comment From Belinda
I’ve had a one night stand and have fallen pregnant and I’ve decided to keep the baby. I know the guy and see him time to time. I’m really unsure if I should tell him?
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:38 am
Lauren eheadspace: Hi Belinda, thanks for posting your question – this is a tough one! It really depends on what you’re thinking. Having support during this time, and after the birth, is really important and telling him that you are pregnant gives him the opportunity to provide that support.
Maybe think about what you would be wanting from him, and what you would be expecting if you decided to tell him. Also think about your concerns if you were to tell him. A good old fashioned pro and con list can sometimes really help clarify our thoughts.
Maybe also talking to loved ones and maybe a counsellor about what you’re thinking and about this decision.
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:38 am
Comment From Oli
Hey. My ex-girlfriend is about to have a baby and claims it is mine. I am not sure that it is mine because of her sketchy behaviour in the past. I keep thinking about this…it’s really taking over my brain. I don’t want to get really close to him if I am going to later find out he’s not mine. Is there some way I can find out if he is mine?
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:44 am
Emma eheadspace: Hi Oli. I’m sorry that you are feeling so unsure about this…I’m sure that it is tough and not surprising that it is playing on your mind. I think it’s great that you are wanting to clarify this so that you can commit yourself openly to your child. Depending on your relationship with your ex you may want to let her know of your concerns, desire to be emotionally available to your son and to be of a support to your ex, thus needing this reassurance. Here is a link that might be of use and point you in a positive direction to resolve these concerns.
Either way Oli, it is a good idea to speak with a counsellor or opening up with those close to you, to support you through this process of exploring paternity.
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:38 am
Comment From Sally
My best friend is my age, we are both 16 and she just told me she is pregnant. She doesn’t want me to tell anyone and she doesn’t know what to do. I don’t know how to support her. She is scared her mum will kick her out. She doesn’t want to tell her boyfriend either. How can I help her?
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:39 am
Celia: Hi Sally, that’s a really tough situation you’re dealing with. I can hear how much you want to support your friend and you are probably feeling under a lot of pressure, given you are the only person she trusts with this at the moment. Your friend probably needs a chance to process what is happening to her and to consider all of her options. Perhaps you could offer to go to the GP with your friend to provide her emotional support. You could explain that visiting the GP can be the first step in finding out what her options are to help her make decisions. It is really important that you try not to feel responsible for your friend’s well-being and to encourage her to tell a trusted adult in her life so she can be supported to move forward. If she doesn’t have a GP she feels comfortable talking to you, you could suggest she attends her nearest headspace centre to make an appointment to see the GP there. Other trusted adults could be a school counsellor or teacher. Remember, this is happening to your friend and she is ultimately responsible for her own body and decisions. She is lucky to have your support and care but be sure you look after your own well-being in the process of supporting your friend. Best wishes to you both.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:39 am
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:39 am
Comment From Kerry
I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I know my daughter has used this website before....I think she is pregnant and I think she knows it. I don't know how to support her. Can you help?
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:39 am
Lauren eheadspace: Hi Kerry, thanks for your question. All you can do is try and communicate as clearly as you can with your daughter. If you feel comfortable, ask her outright if she is pregnant, you might also want to start the conversation with your desire to support her. As options in a pregnancy are time sensitive, I’d be encouraging you to talk to her as soon as you can.
From there you can take her to her local doctor for a check-up, and maybe to get further information about her options. You could also call family planning in your local state, or the pregnancy birth baby hotline (1800-882-436)
Good luck!
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:39 am
Participant
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22nd Aug, 8:40 am
Comment From Kerry
thank you. I really just needed somewhere to go with this and you have done that. Thx
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
22nd Aug, 8:40 am
Clair eheadspace: Thank you so much for joining us tonight to chat about pregnancy tonight, we hope you’ve found the session helpful.
Remember that taking pleasure and interest in sex is a normal part of growing up and becoming an adult, and pregnancy can be a result of this. Part of that journey is also about makes good decisions, getting educated and learning to assert yourself. It’s ok to take guidance from people you trust, but it’s not up to others to make this decision for you.
eheadspace Moderator
Moderator
5th Oct, 11:45 am
Clair eheadspace: Hopefully what we’ve talked about in this chat has provided you with some useful information that you can consider when thinking about pregnancy, but remember if you need more support with this it’s ok to ask for it!
You can contact you GP, eheadspace, your school/uni counsellors and if you’re wanting some support from a private psychologist you can contact your local headspace centre. To find your closest headspace centre you can use this link - https://headspace.org.au/headspace-centres
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:41 am
Lauren eheadspace: Thanks for all our questions everyone! Hope everyone has a great night, cheers Lauren.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:41 am
Jasmine eheadspace: Thanks for joining us everyone! I hope you found that chat helpful.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:41 am
RachR: Thanks everyone for being involved tonight, hope you all have a great week! :) cheers rach
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:41 am
Celia: Good night and thank you for joining the group chat.
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:41 am
Emma eheadspace: Thanks so much for joining us. Bye guys!
eheadspace Moderator
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22nd Aug, 8:42 am