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Taz, 18, talks about anger to headspace

31 Aug 2018
It started off when I was first kicked out of home, obviously, it made me pretty angry.

I built up this intense hate towards these people that I had been living with, for kicking me out and coming to terms with what happened – I copped the whole spectrum from them and I didn’t know how to cope.

And then my mum died. That was a whole new level of anger, I’ve never experienced anything like it. I was so hurt, I never understood how someone could be so reckless to let two people die. I went through the grieving process of losing mum, as well as my nephew when he passed away from suicide. I always wondered why he would do that when he had people around him, but I think that’s a natural reaction with suicide. When dealing with anything like that it’s a healing process and also about learning to let go of it – that’s a big thing.

My anger made people not want to hang around me, I was always talking about this hate towards this person or that person. I had a youth worker once tell me that I needed to focus on my anger, because every time I used to walk into ‘Open Doors’ in Brisbane, I’d always be talking about how angry I was feeling.

When I get really angry my ears get really hot, my vision goes a bit blurry and I would start becoming disassociated. This is when I would be absolutely fuming and could punch something, but never actually did. I wasn’t ever physically violent towards anyone, I would just say things but not actually do anything.

For me, drugs and alcohol definitely aggravated my anger. I remember one time I had a psychotic break when drinking one night, I had been going through so much and I can’t even remember what happened. It might seem like you’ve got a cool head, but drugs and alcohol definitely make it worse.

I never sought help for my anger, it is just something I learnt through self-control. I learnt about other coping strategies which has evened everything out at the same time. There are a lot of other things that go on with anger – but once you start ironing those things out, other things will iron out with it. To help with my anger I did Muay Thai boxing, and you can’t not get your frustration out while kicking the living daylights out of a boxing bag! I haven’t carried on with that, but now I go and listen to some music or do some drawing and artwork. Finding strategies around anger as early as possible is a good thing.

Thanks for reading,

Taz, 18

Published 13 November 2016

 

If you or someone you know is struggling with anger, headspace is there to help. contact your nearest centre, or eheadspace either online or over the phone on 1800 650 890